The X in Xmas comes from the first letter in the Greek word for Christ.  Versions of X for Christ have been used since the 1400s.  Its not taking Christ out of Christmas.  Its actually been used in so many more ways than just Christmas.  It was used for Christianity (Xtianity), obviously not trying to take the Christ out of it…

My big pet peeve during this season is people getting upset about the use of Xmas and “taking Christ out of Christmas.”  That is not the case.  And, actually, when people use it that way they are usually just being lazy and it has nothing at all to do with religion. 

Okay… done ranting.

She texted me this morning saying that our next two interviews, including the individual interviews that last 5+ hours, are going to be the 26th and 27th.  Now I just can’t wait for Christmas so I can get closer to finishing the home study and being matched with a birth mother.

My old boss was let go.  It was truly horrible working for him.  He was controlling and a micromanager. 

Well, they hired a new guy.  He’s annoying, full of himself, and talks wayyyy too much.  But he is a blessing.  And now I am finally able to become the professional I wanted to be.  I’m in so much control of our department now.  I have so much responsibility and I’m so busy, but I’m really enjoying it right now. 

And then, on top of that, we were given 2 weeks of vacation.  So I picked up a couple shifts at my old job that I used to love… but so much has changed!  Its not the same place anymore and I’m a little sad because I don’t love it as much as I used to.  It used to be the only place I felt at home.  I really loved being there and working with the people.  Now its completely different.  It doesn’t feel right.  My boss and the chef were let go for trying to get the tyranical director out of the picture.  It is really sad to see.  Everyone is on edge and someone that I used to workwithis now trying to run everything without enough experience in the position.  She is a good choice for the position, but she wasn’t given enough time with the boss before he was let go and she had this whole department dropped on her.

Now I go back to the place that used to be home and I feel so out of place.  Plus, it is hard to go from the management position that I’m in to the bottom of the food chain there.  I don’t know how tonotbe in charge.  I want to set things how I want them and I want to direct people and do the managerial duties instead of the heavy lifting. 

They say you can’t go home again.  And that’s almost what it feels like.  Its like graduating from college and then trying to walk back into your junior high school and feel at home.  It just doesn’t work. 

Our social worker told me that she expects my individual interview to last at least 2 1/2 hours… apparently I look pretty broken just on the paperwork.  She has no idea.

And that’s why I think God has prepared me for adoption.  My child’s life will never be easy or normal.  And I’m ready to handle that.

I found out I was pregnant

Put the adoption on hold

Saw all my doctors and specialists about being pregnant

Got test results showing the baby was doing well

Had a miscarriage

God, why don’t I look like them? Why don’t I talk like them? Why don’t I act like them? I know we are so much alike… but why didn’t I end up like them?

I look at them… their easy lives, their happy families, their beautiful faces… where is mine? My life has been tough! So much hurt, heartbreak, suffering. My family was broken and poor. We struggled to get by. I don’t look stunning… with or without make up. I don’t get admirers, even if I haven’t brushed my hair.

Is it wrong that I don’t find myself drawn to live the same “Christian” lifestyle? I don’t listen to only Christian music… I really like rock n roll. I didn’t marry a godly man… he found you through me. I don’t travel the world in your name, I don’t work for Christian organizations… hell, I barely make it to church most weeks…

I don’t have a glamorous job or get respect for the industry I’m in.

Why didn’t I get lucky?

And that’s when I felt the laughter. “Lucky? They’ll never understand the lessons you’ve learned. They’ll never know what its like to watch their husband’s head come up from the baptism waters. They’ll never get to connect with someone suffering from mental illness. Making friends with those who don’t know My name will never come naturally. They’ll never hold a baby of a different race and KNOW in their heart that it is their child- loving the child and the birth mother.”

Wow. Every moment of my rough life is being put to use for Your glory, God. You’ve given me more happiness and fulfillment than I could have found on my own. And you have prepared me far ahead of time for things yet to come.

Why didn’t others get as lucky as me?

Only 4 more days of our fundraiser!!

www.adoptionbug.com/ldcleveland